Now, it’s no secret that the Lagos traffic situation has
gotten worse. I’m not naming any names or pointing
any fingers (*co…Ambode…ughs*); but it’s really bad.
We’ve all been spending an inordinate amount of time in
traffic.
But we at Zikoko(well thanks to whoever invented copy and paste ) are here to make your lives easier, so we researched ways to allow you successfully avoid Lagos traffic
1. Leave Lagos
This is the surest way to beat the traffic.
Go! Move to Ogun State or Ibadan or anywhere else and
don’t look back. Sure, there will still be traffic on your
way out of Lagos, but look on the bright side, It’s the
last time.
2. Don't go out
If you won’t leave Lagos, then the next best thing is to
stay permanently in your house. Because the truth is, there really isn’t anything important out there. Well nothing that you won’t spend 7 hours getting to.
Stay. At. Home.
3. Drive only between 12am and 4am
You know why this is important. This way you’re the only one on the road – well, you and everyone else reading this post. You will rule the highways in the middle of the night. But be aware, your reign comes to
an end once the clock strikes 4. Because Lagos will wake up.
4. If you have to go somewhere, leave your house the day before
This is for those that usually have 8am appointments/meetings. The traffic is not of God and if you do not want to be
late, leave at 8pm. That way, whatever Lagos throws away, you laugh in its
face because the joke is on it. Your appointment is for tomorrow.
5. Walk everywhere
6. Sleep in the office
This is a win-win situation. You avoid the traffic and you also get in line for the ‘Best Employee Award’ – or that promotion . You know, since you ‘practically’ [your boss doesn’t know it’s literally] live in the office. Just wake up and slide into your seat.
7. Or in your car
Stop looking like that. Sleeping in your car is a thing. It’s better than sleeping in the office. This way you can drive your car to a safe spot [ short distances please],
sleep and drive back to the office with other employees. Don’t forget to brush your teeth in the office bathroom.
8. Quit your job
Who needs a job?...Just kidding, go to number 9...
9. Marry into wealth
This is the only way to validate your quitting your job. If you’re unemployed and not married into wealth, I don’t know. Is poverty better than traffic?
But with some little quid around, you can buy an helicopter to use to move around... Especially if you work in that Apapa axis. If na Oshodi market, well.. ehn
you go park the chopper for garage
10. Or Get a Job next to your house
It doesn’t matter what. You’re not in traffic with all those white-collar mainland-to-island suckers. This is the life.
11. Become a witch
This is purely for the air travel benefits, nothing more.
12. Fast and Pray for Governor Ambode
Fast. Pray. Light Candles. Say the Fatiha. Offer up Benediction. Dance. Do prayer of the faithful. Give sacrifices. Pray that he stops saving all our money. He
should use it to fix our traffic situation.
If this doesn’t work very fast, we are in trouble. We can’t do this everyday. What is happening?! There was traffic before but it was not this bad.
gotten worse. I’m not naming any names or pointing
any fingers (*co…Ambode…ughs*); but it’s really bad.
We’ve all been spending an inordinate amount of time in
traffic.
But we at Zikoko(well thanks to whoever invented copy and paste ) are here to make your lives easier, so we researched ways to allow you successfully avoid Lagos traffic
1. Leave Lagos
This is the surest way to beat the traffic.
Go! Move to Ogun State or Ibadan or anywhere else and
don’t look back. Sure, there will still be traffic on your
way out of Lagos, but look on the bright side, It’s the
last time.
2. Don't go out
If you won’t leave Lagos, then the next best thing is to
stay permanently in your house. Because the truth is, there really isn’t anything important out there. Well nothing that you won’t spend 7 hours getting to.
Stay. At. Home.
3. Drive only between 12am and 4am
You know why this is important. This way you’re the only one on the road – well, you and everyone else reading this post. You will rule the highways in the middle of the night. But be aware, your reign comes to
an end once the clock strikes 4. Because Lagos will wake up.
4. If you have to go somewhere, leave your house the day before
This is for those that usually have 8am appointments/meetings. The traffic is not of God and if you do not want to be
late, leave at 8pm. That way, whatever Lagos throws away, you laugh in its
face because the joke is on it. Your appointment is for tomorrow.
5. Walk everywhere
6. Sleep in the office
This is a win-win situation. You avoid the traffic and you also get in line for the ‘Best Employee Award’ – or that promotion . You know, since you ‘practically’ [your boss doesn’t know it’s literally] live in the office. Just wake up and slide into your seat.
7. Or in your car
Stop looking like that. Sleeping in your car is a thing. It’s better than sleeping in the office. This way you can drive your car to a safe spot [ short distances please],
sleep and drive back to the office with other employees. Don’t forget to brush your teeth in the office bathroom.
8. Quit your job
Who needs a job?...Just kidding, go to number 9...
9. Marry into wealth
This is the only way to validate your quitting your job. If you’re unemployed and not married into wealth, I don’t know. Is poverty better than traffic?
But with some little quid around, you can buy an helicopter to use to move around... Especially if you work in that Apapa axis. If na Oshodi market, well.. ehn
you go park the chopper for garage
10. Or Get a Job next to your house
It doesn’t matter what. You’re not in traffic with all those white-collar mainland-to-island suckers. This is the life.
11. Become a witch
This is purely for the air travel benefits, nothing more.
12. Fast and Pray for Governor Ambode
Fast. Pray. Light Candles. Say the Fatiha. Offer up Benediction. Dance. Do prayer of the faithful. Give sacrifices. Pray that he stops saving all our money. He
should use it to fix our traffic situation.
If this doesn’t work very fast, we are in trouble. We can’t do this everyday. What is happening?! There was traffic before but it was not this bad.
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